the size of grapes, you say?

“I’m not going to pick those boogers out, they were like the size of grapes.”

how to get ready for school

“that’s what we do before school! get everyone drunk!”

the rain the spain

“where the does the rain fall, Bitch?”

“mainly on the plain?”

Munchkin zodiac

two girls are talking about their zodiac signs, blaming their and their boyfriend’s problems on their signs. Other people waiting in line begin to chime in with comments about their signs. The ignorant begin asking questions:

What happens if your birthday falls on one of those dates that one year you are one sign, and the next year you are the another sign, and every year or two it flips back and forth?

Well, then you get all the positive attributes of each sign.

Oh, so it’s a little like having a Super Munchkin card?

When in Rome. . .

ooh, Portugal! But how will we get around? I don’t speak Spanish.

Someone prefers Papa John’s

“it smells like Little Caesars in here, and that’s really disrespectful to me.”

great bonding moment

“It was the first time my Mom saw a glow in the dark dildo. It was a great bonding moment.”

oh really?

“I’m not immodest, I’m a nudist. It’s different.”

fashion statement

overheard in the reception area of a “professional” office. . .

“you look in that room and you tell me she doesn’t look like a street walker!”

the aloof sexy couple.

husband: I don’t like talking to people.
wife: you could be the aloof sexy couple.
husband: who, me and Tim?
wife: no, you and me you retard!

wife: but if you two want to be the aloof sexy metrosexual couple, I’m cool with that.